couples get back together every day; you just need to understand how it happens

Are You Calling Your Ex Every Day?

Are you calling your ex every day? Are you leaving a thousand voicemails on their phone, or filling their inbox with e-mail, or spamming them with text messages?

If you're calling your ex every five minutes, you have to stop. If you're calling your ex every day, they're going to tell people that you're calling them every five minutes, because that's how it's going to seem to them. So again - you have to stop. The most important part of getting your ex back is making yourself more attractive to your ex. This means you don't chase them, because you want them to chase you. It means a lot more than that - you need to make yourself more attractive to them on an emotional level, not a physical one, and that can take some hard work. (Although it's work that is very worth doing.)

But the most important thing to realize is that if somebody breaks up with you, that's difficult for them, too, just like it is for you. It's a different kind of difficult, but it's difficult all the same. They are going to notice a change. You were around, now you're not around. They're going to notice. That is a change. You want it to be a change that makes you look good, not a change that makes you look bad. You want them to miss you. If you have nothing to do with them at all, that in and of itself is better than calling them non-stop. Don't get me wrong, if you call them and you work everything out in one phone call, then hey, awesome. But that doesn't happen. In the rare occasions when it seems to happen, what you're actually setting up is a failed reconciliation that turns into an emotionally charged booty call. You don't want that.

Nobody just picks up the phone and magically solves complicated relationship problems. You're going to need to do some work, and you're going to want a strategy.

The first thing to do is when they break up with you, give them what they want. If they don't want to be part of your world any more, make sure that they're not part of your world for a while. Don't call them on the phone. Don't beg them to take you back. Don't beg them for anything. Don't even let them see you around town. Make them wonder where you are. And don't, absolutely don't EVER be doing them a lot of favors in hopes of being able to see them, either. Some won't ask, but if they do, tell them it's too painful and you need some space. Tell them you want to be friends but right now you're really hurt, and let some time pass before you talk to them. You need this time because you're going to do some things to make yourself more emotionally attractive - more in control of your life, more self-sufficient.

Some people put a lot of effort into making themselves more physically attractive, if somebody breaks up with them, but that's not the way to go. I mean it can't hurt, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with looking good - I'm just saying that if you love somebody, and they put on a few pounds or something, you're probably still going to be together. You know your ex found you attractive in the first place, because if they didn't, they wouldn't be your ex. They'd just be some random person. The fact that you had a relationship means you got that far. But there's a next step - the next step is, can we be happy together? If your ex broke up with you, it's because they decided the answer was no.

Making yourself more emotionally attractive is all about making them realize that the answer can be yes. To do that, you need to disappear for a while. If you're begging, you're forcing them into a situation where they have to be really serious about their decision, and they'll look at you, see how you collapsed into a desperate mess, and they will bolt. They will run so fast it'll be like the time in that Superman movie when Superman flew around the planet so fast it started turning backwards. You might not want to hear this, but I have been there, and the sooner you understand this, the better off you are.

If you're not calling, you're not e-mailing, you've just disappeared, that's good, because they notice the difference in their lives, and even if there was some completely legitimate reason for the breakup - even if there was something they weren't happy about which was really important to them - they're still going to miss you sooner or later. It's inevitable. It's human nature. The reason you avoid leaving any messages, sending any texts, and so on, is because you want them to start missing you as soon as possible. You want the curiousity to kick in.

When the curiousity kicks in, you want them to discover that you're doing well. Because if they ask the question, "can we be happy together?" and they decide "no", but then they hear that you are happy without them, they wonder if it's something wrong with them. They wonder where the unhappiness came from. All people have this weakness: when something doesn't work, they look for blame. The truth of the matter is that if your relationship isn't perfect, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. No relationship is perfect. What matters is how you handle it when you've got problems to solve. Handling a devastating breakup gracefully is the emotional equivalent of looking like a supermodel or a Greek god. It makes you attractive on the next level - not the physical level but the relationship level.

Anyway, going back to blame, if your ex broke up with you, no matter how good a person they are, some part of them is going to be blaming you for any unhappiness they experienced when you were together. If they find out for a fact that you are able to be happy without them, they'll question the blame. But if they see you becoming more unhappy, they'll blame you. And there's no way on earth the breakup isn't making you unhappy when it first happens. So DON'T CALL.

The secret is to allow yourself to feel the sadness and hurt, without wallowing in it, and at the same time do only the things that will get you the result you want. Calling every five minutes will not get you your ex back. You have to control that impulse. It's very important to avoid calling and leaving messages and all the rest of it. You need to avoid seeming desperate or like some kind of crazy stalker or something like that. In fact you not only need to avoid seeming that way - you need to avoid being that way as well. It's only after you release the initial pain that you can get your ex back.

Make sure to preserve your dignity. That's just Phase 1 in your plan, but it is an important phase. If you want to understand the rest of the plan, you should put some serious thought into it. I recommend The Magic Of Making Up. It'll help you get your ex back and keep your self-esteem. Not only is your self-esteem important too, for your own happiness, but you won't win your ex back unless you hold onto your self-esteem.

There are other products out there, and you should read the product reviews here on this site, but The Magic Of Making Up seems to be the best choice.